Living in Austin, one gets really good at sitting in traffic. I must admit I have gotten so good at sitting in traffic that I have watched an entire TV episode on my phone hovering just behind my steering wheel. While staring out our big windows at Lick today I noticed a man sitting in traffic playing his steering wheel like a drum. I mean, he was really jammin out! I wanted to know what song was playing because I loved the moment he was in. I have those moments often, sitting in my car in traffic. When a song comes on that I just can't help but belt out and slam my hands on top of the wheel repeatedly to the beat. I love those moments (a true silver lining of living and working 20 miles apart).
I have had moments like these, determined by the place I live in. In Thailand, the last time I was there, I came to love my 20 minute walk to work. It was sometimes the highlight of my morning. I would pass the same car mechanics, the same shaggy, mangy dog that I called Benji and would have full English conversations with as we walked together, the same old woman watering her garden, squeal at the same cute street puppies that I ended up taking into my own home, the same Chinese Buddhist temple that always seemed to be under construction, the same tiny bakery operated by a woman and her mom outside their home, the same private school yard, and the same moto drivers waiting for customers. I told time by these people (if the kids were already singing the national anthem, I was late to class!) They would all smile at me, even Benji. There was beauty in the routine and awe in the hiccups in it, like this one time I almost stepped on a tiny green snake that I found out later was extremely poisonous.
There is something about being in transit and having the ability to turn off part of your brain and just observe that I find so relaxing and reflective of the care of my Savior. Even in traffic or the quiet neighborhood streets of a foreign metropolis, God is moving and working and giving things breath.
I am curious to see what routines I will fall in love with in Thailand this time around. I can't wait!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Yes. A million times, yes.
Soundtrack: "Let There Be" -Gungor
A friend recommended that I read Radical by Davis Platt. So, yesterday I picked it up and already, just one chapter in, I MUST tell of what I am convicted of and purposely choosing other than.
The first chapter entitled "Someone Worth Losing Everything For," is essentially asking, "Is Jesus worth losing everything for?" Duh. At first, I immediately think, yes, because I know it would be foolish to say no. I would have HUGE problems on my hands if I said "no." But as the chapter proceeds, I realize Jesus asked me in Matthew to give up everything, pick up my cross (y'all this is a torture/death tool), and follow him, with singleness of heart for the joy that one day I will be like/with him. Oh gosh. The reality of this is making me think my "yes" had less conviction behind it than was due. Jesus' command means I have to give up my desire to find a husband, spending a lot of my money on entertainment, and my assumption that I will have all the comforts of an American retirement. I can't follow Jesus with singleness of heart with things looming in my life such as these, that destroy my trust in Jesus, as my Provider, my Everything. Alright, so after some tears, a lot of journaling, and some confession, I came to the realization that I, indeed, am wishing a lot of the time that the path He has called me on was "other." And, now, I have come to an entirely different "yes." Jesus IS worth losing everything and here's why...
In Matthew 13, Jesus is talking to his disciples about the kingdom of Heaven, and he describes it like a man finding a treasure in a field, burying it again, and then selling all he has to buy that field. Platt did a great job of connecting me to that parable. If I had found a hidden treasure that I thought no one else has come across and it could be mine, I would run, as fast as I could to the nearest pawn shop to sell every stinkin item I owned, because I obviously knew that this treasure of great value would be more than enough for me. So, I think why I have trouble answering with a hearty "yes" to the question of "Is Jesus worth losing everything?" comes down to the fact that I forget or don't understand the depth of His value and His promises to me both now and forevermore. I also don't understand that if any action in this life has any intrinsic value other than to make me become more like Jesus, that action is MORE than worth doing. This is why I attend small group and church and meet with people over dinner that can remind me of Jesus' worth to my life, why I should run this race hard, with perseverance, and why I can't waste my life with a shut mouth and a half-believing heart.
Both at church and small group this week our time revolved around this idea of making Jesus your treasure and submitting yourself to an earthly authority because Jesus did, and we want to be more like him everyday. Having a singleness of purpose, defying the innate human reaction to put oneself first and gratifying all that will provide comfort, stabiliy, and prosperity to my life, is NOT easy. It is literally taking every ounce of my entire being to say NO to my wishing right now. But I am actively saying (out loud to myself and Jesus..in my room...right now) that I choose YOU. I choose to lose everyhting that I could ever hold dear because YOU ARE WORTH LOSING EVERYTHING.
Wait...what did I just agree to? Oh my goodness. It's so much. Lord, help my unbelief, 'cause it's gonna come...probably tomorrow when I wake up and check Facebook and wish that my life was "other." Probably when I go to work and have to serve people. Probably at the invitation to eat out just one more time. Probably...well, Jesus. You know. It's coming and yet, again, I will take up that cross and die to myself.
So, yes. A million times yes.
And here's onto chapter 2...oh dear.
A friend recommended that I read Radical by Davis Platt. So, yesterday I picked it up and already, just one chapter in, I MUST tell of what I am convicted of and purposely choosing other than.
The first chapter entitled "Someone Worth Losing Everything For," is essentially asking, "Is Jesus worth losing everything for?" Duh. At first, I immediately think, yes, because I know it would be foolish to say no. I would have HUGE problems on my hands if I said "no." But as the chapter proceeds, I realize Jesus asked me in Matthew to give up everything, pick up my cross (y'all this is a torture/death tool), and follow him, with singleness of heart for the joy that one day I will be like/with him. Oh gosh. The reality of this is making me think my "yes" had less conviction behind it than was due. Jesus' command means I have to give up my desire to find a husband, spending a lot of my money on entertainment, and my assumption that I will have all the comforts of an American retirement. I can't follow Jesus with singleness of heart with things looming in my life such as these, that destroy my trust in Jesus, as my Provider, my Everything. Alright, so after some tears, a lot of journaling, and some confession, I came to the realization that I, indeed, am wishing a lot of the time that the path He has called me on was "other." And, now, I have come to an entirely different "yes." Jesus IS worth losing everything and here's why...
In Matthew 13, Jesus is talking to his disciples about the kingdom of Heaven, and he describes it like a man finding a treasure in a field, burying it again, and then selling all he has to buy that field. Platt did a great job of connecting me to that parable. If I had found a hidden treasure that I thought no one else has come across and it could be mine, I would run, as fast as I could to the nearest pawn shop to sell every stinkin item I owned, because I obviously knew that this treasure of great value would be more than enough for me. So, I think why I have trouble answering with a hearty "yes" to the question of "Is Jesus worth losing everything?" comes down to the fact that I forget or don't understand the depth of His value and His promises to me both now and forevermore. I also don't understand that if any action in this life has any intrinsic value other than to make me become more like Jesus, that action is MORE than worth doing. This is why I attend small group and church and meet with people over dinner that can remind me of Jesus' worth to my life, why I should run this race hard, with perseverance, and why I can't waste my life with a shut mouth and a half-believing heart.
Both at church and small group this week our time revolved around this idea of making Jesus your treasure and submitting yourself to an earthly authority because Jesus did, and we want to be more like him everyday. Having a singleness of purpose, defying the innate human reaction to put oneself first and gratifying all that will provide comfort, stabiliy, and prosperity to my life, is NOT easy. It is literally taking every ounce of my entire being to say NO to my wishing right now. But I am actively saying (out loud to myself and Jesus..in my room...right now) that I choose YOU. I choose to lose everyhting that I could ever hold dear because YOU ARE WORTH LOSING EVERYTHING.
Wait...what did I just agree to? Oh my goodness. It's so much. Lord, help my unbelief, 'cause it's gonna come...probably tomorrow when I wake up and check Facebook and wish that my life was "other." Probably when I go to work and have to serve people. Probably at the invitation to eat out just one more time. Probably...well, Jesus. You know. It's coming and yet, again, I will take up that cross and die to myself.
So, yes. A million times yes.
And here's onto chapter 2...oh dear.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Dream
For the past seven weeks, I have had the privilege of meeting with about 100 other women of all ages to rush the throne room of God and ask "What do YOU want to do with our lives?" We are taking a week at a time to talk through our people, our scars, our gifts, our passions, our places, and how each of these things fits into God's larger story of saving the world from itself and from Darkness. What a blessing these seven weeks have been! I am so thankful for my small group that has prided honesty over keeping up appearances and chiseled away my fears from God's Truth. I just finished the homework for my last class tomorrow, and I realized some great things I am taking away from "Dream", most of which were not what I thought would come of this class.
First, I was blown away by God's timing in the events of my life coupled with the start date of the class. I had signed up for the class before I had committed to returning to Thailand, before I had even had the request to return. Originally, I had signed up because my frustration with God's purpose for my life was rising higher in my soul each day and I was restless with my position in the world. (<Sidenote: My purpose and your purpose if you are in Christ is to love God and love others. How one does that and how one makes disciples is the unique journey of "Dream.">) When God blessed me with this Thai breakthrough and this new trajectory in life was placed before me, the reasons I had signed up for the class were no longer relevant. So, I came into that first Tuesday night with pretty much zero expectations except that God was going to move!
Second, I have always loved meeting with women of other ages. To see how the Holy Spirit has staked out along the road of each woman's life is remarkable. I have never been too prideful to take advice or to seek wisdom from other women because gosh! I certainly have never had it together enough to run well in this life on my own (although, I have convinced myself otherwise at many points). So, my first night sitting in between a 40-year-old longing to meet the spiritual needs of her secular social groups in Austin and a 20-year-old International Studies major looking to change the face of poverty in the lives of orphans in India, was Cloud Nine epitomized. God is moving and is asking us to run well with Him!
Third, Jennie Allen is a gift. If you've never heard of her: go here. Not to put her up on a Christian pedestal at all, because she, like the rest of us, is juggling a lot and is on most days just a bit over the edge of crazy! I say to get to know her work because she preaches truth and has displayed how someone's gifts, passions, scars, people, and places have encountered the humbling larger story of God in such a real way to give hope to other women wanting to run well in this world. She is a gift.
Fourth, this larger story of God that I have been speaking of is straight up CRAZY! "Dream" has been looking at just one man in the Bible, Joseph. We have read and studied his gifts, his scars, his people, his passions, and his places in detail and WHAT A STORY of faith, growth, and obedience. God's purpose to SAVE MANY LIVES was accomplished in a man who began as a snotty little brother. As a part of the class, we drew a timeline of the events of the world as told by the Bible, and when we placed our approximate 70-80 year lives (give or take some years) on that timeline, we could barely see them. To literally be launched backwards, into space it felt like, to look at my place in the world was necessary. It made me realize who cares where I live or who hurt me or what is left of my body at the end of it all, because I am here for a mere breath and to run this race well is all that matters. Returning slightly closer to Earth, I completely realize the importance of using my gifts and surrounding myself with the right people and living into the gifts and scars I am given as not to waste this time, but the point of the timeline served its purpose to say "STOP WALLOWING IN DISPLEASURE AND WORK OUT THE GOOD WHERE YOU ARE NOW!" The harvest is plenty and the workers are few.
Lastly, as I look to Thailand and to my future set before me, I have been asked to dream. Given all of my gifts, all of my passions, all of my scars, all of my people, and all of my places, I am seeing that God has been ready to launch me for a while and now I am ready to run. Today is not a monumental, life-changing moment. Today is just reminding myself of Truth, that God wants to display His glory over all the Earth and He wants me to do this while loving people above myself. No big! Just kidding. BIG! The last question of my last homework for "Dream" asked me to describe how I could use all that I have have been given to display His glory and prosper people. This was my answer:
Open a space for people to relax, laugh, think, create, watch movies, cry, eat corporately, build relationships, study the Word and do life WELL in community.
For those of you that know me, respond to my dream. Encourage me and chisel away the fear of man. Share your dream and let me do the same for you.
First, I was blown away by God's timing in the events of my life coupled with the start date of the class. I had signed up for the class before I had committed to returning to Thailand, before I had even had the request to return. Originally, I had signed up because my frustration with God's purpose for my life was rising higher in my soul each day and I was restless with my position in the world. (<Sidenote: My purpose and your purpose if you are in Christ is to love God and love others. How one does that and how one makes disciples is the unique journey of "Dream.">) When God blessed me with this Thai breakthrough and this new trajectory in life was placed before me, the reasons I had signed up for the class were no longer relevant. So, I came into that first Tuesday night with pretty much zero expectations except that God was going to move!
Second, I have always loved meeting with women of other ages. To see how the Holy Spirit has staked out along the road of each woman's life is remarkable. I have never been too prideful to take advice or to seek wisdom from other women because gosh! I certainly have never had it together enough to run well in this life on my own (although, I have convinced myself otherwise at many points). So, my first night sitting in between a 40-year-old longing to meet the spiritual needs of her secular social groups in Austin and a 20-year-old International Studies major looking to change the face of poverty in the lives of orphans in India, was Cloud Nine epitomized. God is moving and is asking us to run well with Him!
Third, Jennie Allen is a gift. If you've never heard of her: go here. Not to put her up on a Christian pedestal at all, because she, like the rest of us, is juggling a lot and is on most days just a bit over the edge of crazy! I say to get to know her work because she preaches truth and has displayed how someone's gifts, passions, scars, people, and places have encountered the humbling larger story of God in such a real way to give hope to other women wanting to run well in this world. She is a gift.
Fourth, this larger story of God that I have been speaking of is straight up CRAZY! "Dream" has been looking at just one man in the Bible, Joseph. We have read and studied his gifts, his scars, his people, his passions, and his places in detail and WHAT A STORY of faith, growth, and obedience. God's purpose to SAVE MANY LIVES was accomplished in a man who began as a snotty little brother. As a part of the class, we drew a timeline of the events of the world as told by the Bible, and when we placed our approximate 70-80 year lives (give or take some years) on that timeline, we could barely see them. To literally be launched backwards, into space it felt like, to look at my place in the world was necessary. It made me realize who cares where I live or who hurt me or what is left of my body at the end of it all, because I am here for a mere breath and to run this race well is all that matters. Returning slightly closer to Earth, I completely realize the importance of using my gifts and surrounding myself with the right people and living into the gifts and scars I am given as not to waste this time, but the point of the timeline served its purpose to say "STOP WALLOWING IN DISPLEASURE AND WORK OUT THE GOOD WHERE YOU ARE NOW!" The harvest is plenty and the workers are few.
Lastly, as I look to Thailand and to my future set before me, I have been asked to dream. Given all of my gifts, all of my passions, all of my scars, all of my people, and all of my places, I am seeing that God has been ready to launch me for a while and now I am ready to run. Today is not a monumental, life-changing moment. Today is just reminding myself of Truth, that God wants to display His glory over all the Earth and He wants me to do this while loving people above myself. No big! Just kidding. BIG! The last question of my last homework for "Dream" asked me to describe how I could use all that I have have been given to display His glory and prosper people. This was my answer:
Open a space for people to relax, laugh, think, create, watch movies, cry, eat corporately, build relationships, study the Word and do life WELL in community.
For those of you that know me, respond to my dream. Encourage me and chisel away the fear of man. Share your dream and let me do the same for you.
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