Headlines and Holidays

Merry Christmas Y'all!!

I can't believe it's that time of the year again and that 2013 is almost over. There is something magical about the world setting a stage decorated with lights, singing, and good food, that we get to bring the news of the Living King out onto. It's a grand production and I love this time of year!

As the busy season begins in two days, guests of the Juniper Tree have been e-mailing a lot about the protesting that is happening in Bangkok, wondering if their families should still come to spend their holiday breaks here. At first, I thought it was really silly of these people to be making a big fuss over people standing in a street blowing whistles almost 250 kilometers from where they will be staying, but then I thought about where they are getting their intel. Most people get their news from online sources such as Twitter or CNN or maybe even their local TV station. I, too, have been following these sources and have thought the protesting has been interesting, but in no way have I felt even close to being in danger. (I have heard too many stories about friends living in other parts of the world where their lives are in danger all the time to worry about my safety in an event happening so far from where I am. I'm not saying this time in Thai politics is not important and that the government does not need a total overhaul of its policies and alliances, and maybe these protests and new election will bring some real change to Thailand, but the gravity of the situation is not at the point where we need to be worried about being in danger driving in/out of Bangkok. Back to the news...) My reasoning for not worrying about these protests is because I have more accurate news sources--friends on the ground in Bangkok, locals who have lived here their entire lives spanning multiple government leaders, and knowledge about Thai politics that your average CNN reader would not. So, to judge these worried families on the basis of their reading the international headlines was wrong, and my replies to them have been filled with much grace and soothing language.

Thinking deeper about my interaction with these guests, I began asking myself if I do not believe more headlines than I should. Spending even an hour perusing the news and socialite sources on the internet will not do good for one's self-esteem, thought life, and hope for the future. I can say that I have been guilty of believing the headlines instead of the One who not only has the more accurate sources, but IS the MOST accurate source. God gave us His word to live by and His son to bring us and others hope for the future. I hope that this Christmas I can read headlines through the eyes of God, putting all my trust in His plan and His care for His creation.

I am super thankful for the gift of Jesus. He is the BEST.

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I will now be in Thailand until the end of July 2014! In order to continue life here for six more months than originally planned, I need to raise $3500. There is no date the money has to be in by, and I have total faith the Lord will provide because it is him who called me. Now, there is a way to give online! I was just informed by my financial director, if you would like to give via credit card you can do so:

1. Go to www.thaichristianfoundation.org
2. Under the "Support" tab, click "Donate".
3. Click on the first button "Donate Now" which is linked to the "Network for Good" site. In the "I want my donation to be dedicated:" box, put "Summer Holeman."
4. That's it!

Thank you for keeping up with my time over here. I really do feel like it has just begun. May God bring us so much joy and reflection in the next few weeks!

A Time Commitment & A Gold Jacuzzi Tub

Walking up the stairs to my room tonight, post-dinner coffee in hand, I was happy. I am happy.

Today burned beautiful images into my mind. Some images invoked dreams wanting to be fulfilled, some pure thankfulness to the Father for witnessing them, others laughter and giddiness at the ridiculous goodness of my God. Waking up this morning, I thought today was going to be average, maybe even sub-par. God had a different day planned for me, and I liked to think I walked right into it.

Thank you to all who prayed for the conversation I was having with the former Director of the Board of Trustees for the Juniper Tree. He was the first person I was put in contact with at the Juniper Tree, and he was ultimately the one who invited me into this large family. After e-mailing back and forth for five months prior to flying to Thailand, it was nice to put a face and a full personality to the e-mails. Come to find out, this man and his wife are huge pillars of the faith, in Thailand and around the world. They have been missionaries in rural Thailand for over 50 years, now currently back home in England. They are in their 80s with more stories than time to tell them and humor to boot. I fell quickly, especially when I saw them sitting outside their cottage this afternoon, holding hands, while watching the kids playing in the pool and the sea in the distance. Yes, please.

I spent some time speaking with them this afternoon about my time commitment at the Juniper Tree. I told them I was really having a wonderful time and they said there was nothing but good reports of me at the JT. Ultimately, he said the offer was open-ended to stay here and would need about 3-month's notice if I wanted to leave. I told him I'd be here for a year. So, folks, there you have it. I will be Thailand, at least, until August. As soon as I walked back to the office after they prayed over me and joked about finding me a husband soon so I would stay for 15 years (I said "Where do I sign?" haha), I felt so much peace and joy. I felt like something was lifted in my heart; a distance faded between me and my surroundings. I can now make this place home and not be worried about when I'm leaving, but really dig in here. I can decorate my room more and meet the staff's families. I can expect visitors (seriously, come on over!) and be more emotionally available to the community of Dolphin Bay. I can also stop putting so much pressure on myself to learn Thai, but just let it come.

God has plans for me in Thailand. I've known this. Here's to resting in them!

Onto other beauty of the day--

We have this family who has been with us for the past five days, enjoying their rest but ultimately waiting for their cousins to meet them in Thailand. Today, they came. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL TO SEE THEM REUNITED. I seriously almost cried (surprise). These families work in two very different places in Asia--one in one of the most populated cities in the world and the other in an almost unreachable land in the middle of the Pacific. They had not seen each other for six years, until today. I was introduced to the parents of the newly-arrived family just as I came up to my room and they were loudly joking and hugging and, clearly, family. My heart was so full from that image of their arrival! Moments like that make my being here more than worth it!

Hearing stories from the former Board Director and his wife at meal time has been a ridiculous testament to God's plan for his Kingdom and his care for his workers. Giving the morning devotion on Friday, he compared himself to the apostle Paul, mainly because of 1 Corinthians 1:16. No, no, not for Paul's greatness as an apostle, but because of his clear lack of memory in that passage. The other reason he believes himself to be like the apostle was communicated tonight at the dinner table. Once when preaching to a Thai Presbyterian church in Hollywood many years ago, he was greeted by a man after the service. The man said, "You look tired. Are you tired?" He said, "Well, yes, actually I am," to which the man replied, "Come and take a rest in Las Vegas. I'll take care of everything." (Many things about that sentence would have produced some serious doubt in me, but I guess given the times and who was speaking, the former Board Director had no scruples.) The man gave him his car to drive to Vegas, while the man took his own jet (clue #1 something big is gonna happen). Former Board Director drove to the meeting point--MGM Grand Hotel--and walked into the lobby with his oldest son in tow. The man greeted him immediately and introduced the manager of the MGM Hotel to him, who escorted him up to the PRESIDENTIAL SUITE! The man said that this was all his for five days, all expenses paid. (There was a pure gold jacuzzi tub.) The next morning, they were having breakfast with the man in their suite with a French string quartet serenading them, when the man asked why his wife wasn't with him. Former Board Director replied that she was in England with the rest of their children. The man immediately picked up the phone, called Board Director's house in England, and got them all plane tickets to come and join them. After spending the rest of the week in the suite with his entire family, they went off to their next speaking engagement in Korea and then on to Thailand, feeling quite refreshed. (It was that gold tub!! haha). Come to find out, the mysterious and giving man was a Thai surgeon who had come to America with pennies and ended up owning his own medical hospital in L.A. A few years prior to this story, the surgeon was brought to the Penthouse at the MGM to meet the owner of the property who was unable to walk and was confined to a wheelchair. The surgeon ended up doing extensive surgery and physical therapy with the owner, and instead of payment for getting him walking again, the owner of the MGM said, "As long as you live, your family and friends will always have a place here at the MGM, all expenses paid."

So, former Board Director compared himself to Paul in that he had learned to be abased and how to abound. Abound, indeed.

Now, beside the utter coolness of the luxury and splendor of staying in a presidential suite, this story warmed my heart at the generosity of His people and the utter care the Father has for His children. So much giving was seen in this story. I felt so thankful that the LORD has given me the opportunity to greet workers who are working so hard for Him and are SO tired and in need of rest. I get to greet them in their exhaustion and welcome them to a space for rest. I get to be in the front row to see the LORD meet them and send them off once again, refreshed and reminded of His call. Very cool.

I also got to be encouraged by a former JT manager on Skype today. It was, indeed, a beautiful day. Thanks, God, for showing me you are the ultimate provider for your children.

In committing to more time here, I will be contacting some of you in the next months to prayerfully consider giving more to my journey here. If you would like to give to my time in Thailand, please contact me at summerlynnholeman@gmail.com to find out more details! I have faith that God will provide. How could I not after the stories of reunion and renewal today?!?

To Be Known

To be known by another human is a good thing. To be known by God is great thing. One is a conquest, the other a promise.

While getting to meet so many humans over the past three months, yet really knowing no one, a great desire to be known once more has been planted in my soul. Twenty-six guests arrived at JT yesterday, some were neighbors and already knew each other and some were strangers. Last night as I got up from the dinner table to head back to my room and watch TV, I was shocked that no one else was getting up. Even when the mosquitoes came out in full force, families stayed. Strangers began to become friends. It was awesome.

Today was my day off, and per usual on my day off, I woke up super early. There is something about not having to be anywhere on my day off that shoots my body out of bed. It wants to get started doing nothing. Ha! Awkwardly coming to breakfast in my casual clothes, I sat down next to an American family living in India. They were so interested in getting to know me, and if you know me at all, I love getting to know people and talking about my life and how God has brought me to certain seasons in it. I talked and I talked and I talked. The kids were asking me all sorts of questions and sharing about their life in India. I talked so much, I hadn't taken more than four bites of my breakfast by the time the staff started clearing tables. It was awesome.

Shortly after, everyone was gathering at the pool, and I decided to join. Kids were screaming and sliding down the water slide. Dads were competing in some type of water resistance training. Moms were gabbing. I was in the middle of it all. Literally, I was standing in the middle of the shallow end, holding someone's daughter, and talking to the moms while laughing at the dads proving themselves with each dive. We had water relays, complete with cheering each other by name and squealing and lots of water swallowed. There was conversations about the beginning of romances that turned into marriages that turned into overseas missions. About birth control and God's sense of humor. About maturity and prayer and listening to God's voice. Again, people were sharing their lives, rubbing souls together, and becoming more than acquaintances. It was a pool party, and it was awesome.

My afternoon was spent with the usual bakery, book, and buying peanut butter. On the way home, as soon as I got out of the city, traffic got terrible. Usually on the main road from JT to the city, there will be very little traffic hiccups. Your occasional semi turning off the road that backs things up for half a minute or so, given that the road is one lane each way, but other than that, it flows quickly. Everyone usually passes the slow moving food carts and cars. But this was different, and I knew it after about a minute of idling. People coming the opposite direction were covering their mouths and looking back in the direction they had come. Something was wrong. I had seen an ambulance right when I was leaving the city, headed in, and now I knew why. I crept past the scene. All I saw was a police car parked in the middle of the road, a skinny woman in regular clothes directing traffic, by-standers staring, and a cop with a household broom sweeping red water into a ditch off the road. The entire road was covered in watered-down blood. My heart skipped a beat as I was waved through by this citizen-turned-police woman. I was playing Justin Bieber in the car as I left the city, and now somehow listening to a pubescent boy wail about his relationship conquests just didn't seem appropriate anymore. I turned on Needtobreathe's "Slumber" and kept rolling the scene over in my mind. Was that person gonna make it? Who was it? Were they known by other humans?

To be faced with the beauty of relationships beginning and the horror of sudden tragedy in the span of a few hours brought me to God with a lot of chatter. He said, "You're known." He knows me, oh so intimately. He knows that person in the wreck on the road. He knows the children I held in the pool. He knows the moms and dads serving Him in far away lands. He knows you, like really knows you. I gotta keep talking to him. I gotta know him more. He is awesome.

Friends & Future

Chan Puan Sawadee Ka! (Hello My Friends!)

 

It's been a busy month here at JT! We have had massive ebbs and flows in guests, and I got to travel to Cambodia to see my best friend. In the words of my favorite band, "The days turn into to months the months into years, so just for a moment, let's be still." Being here is a constant flux between running and stillness. One week the place will be full of life, babies wailing and their little feet pattering all over the grounds, transports coming and going, loading and unloading. Even when my body is still, my mind is always churning, thinking about the next arriving guests or scheduling some getaway for a family. Always thinking about my next steps in life and who I will spend my time with. "Let's be still."

 

I am beginning to understand how quickly life flies by when you have put a time limit on its seasons. I committed to six months at the JT, and it's half over. I literally cannot believe it. I also can't imagine leaving in three months. So, in the next week, I will be having conversations with our resident director about my future here. If you think about it, pray for my heart and emotions in this decision. I'm not really worried about it at all, but it can't hurt to pray for the right commitment. I'm not sure if they will need a hard date for my leaving or if I can just jet off whenever, either way, pray!

 

Like I mentioned earlier, I got to see my best friend from university this past week in her residence in Cambodia. All I could do to describe the trip upon return was to say, "It was good for my soul." It was truly a soul trip. Everything about it was water to my soul. Thanks, God!

 

The next four months here are crazy! We have five conferences here in November, and December until February are completely booked! I am taking these next few days to breathe and prepare myself for the excitement and busyness of this next season.

 

"Let's Be Still."

You Weigh HOW Much?!??

Another cultural extravaganza unfolded this morning and, boy, was it a doozy!

Last night, while searching the kitchen for extra towels to clean up a water spill in one of the conference rooms, I stumbled across a scale--not for vegetables, but for humans. I made the mistake(?!) of stepping on it, after having not weighed myself since arriving in Thailand. It read out in kilograms, and having no idea how to convert to pounds, I locked the kitchen and headed to the office to finish working. Sitting down at my computer, I googled "xx kg to lbs." Y'ALL. I got the biggest "OMG Summer Face" possible and immediately squealed to my coworker Mark, who was in the office, "MARK!!!!! I have gained sooo much weight in this country!!!!" Mark laughed hysterically and continued to tell me that, in fact, the scale is usually 5 KG off--lighter, not heavier. I told him that it was not physically possible that I gained THAT much weight in two months. He gave me a snarky grin and I immediately put my head in my hands and squealed again. I decided that it wasn't a mistake. I needed to know at some point, that yes, Summer, eating a double serving of dessert every night, sitting in an office all day, and plowing through Nutella, will indeed put some L-B-S on the Y-O-U. Awesome.

Now, before you start going through my Facebook pictures to compare the Summer from two months ago to the Summer now or think "What a ethnocentric post!" or think I'm looking for a sympathic "Summer, you're gorgeous" comment below this link, I am coming to a point and it is none of the above. I am an American girl in her 20s. I think about weight. However, being in Thailand, changes my thinking. Weight has different cultural capital over here. Not that Thai people don't care about image, that's far from the truth, but MY thinking about beauty and image in better/worse value judgments really diminishes when I'm over here. I tend to let my American walls of beauty and image and size and cultural pressure to wear xx size of pants crumble. I have touched a mascara tube twice since being in Thailand. That is beautiful. Now, I'm not trying to make generalizations, or place a right/wrong value on caring about image or not. At the end of the day, I believe that Adam and Eve ended up caring a lot about their nakedness and without combating this fear every morning I wake up with the Truth that God is ridiculously smitten by me, so will I.

This morning, I decided that the scale was obviously mistaken and it is better to weigh oneself in the morning anyways, so while the kitchen staff was busy serving 91 people for breakfast, I snuck in and jumped on the scale. While I was waiting for the numbers to settle, I felt one of the staff grab my arm and squeal "oooohooooooo XX KG!!!!!!!!!" to the entire kitchen. I was mortified and most likely a deep shade of red. One of the girls came over and grabbed my arm while I shouted at girl number one in Thai "Get over here and you weigh yourself!" (Gosh! I'm a terrible person.) She came over and being 5-foot nothing and tiny, she has no scruples about jumping on the scale. Then, girl number two jumped on and it began a game?!? A terrible, sick non-American game. Their attitudes went from surprised, playful, accepting (as in, that is what she is, not deeming it socially acceptable), and back to work in the matter of a minute. Why do I feel like my attitude will take a little more prayer and processing then theirs?

After this little ordeal, now that most of the staff heard the squealing, knows my weight, and thus, I am accountable come time for dessert, I must choose not to believe the lies that I am less ______ than I could/should be and choose the Truth. Jesus is infatuated with who He is and so am I. He is everything. So here's to a little more movement in my life, a little less Nutella (fo' real only a little less...that stuff is the bomb!), and lots of loving the women around me more than I did yesterday. Insecurity doesn't just stop when you reach a number on the scale. It stops when He says "You're ridiculously good looking. Insecurity, say what?!?" Or something to that end...

Love Thy Neighbor

At the JT, you have lots of neighbors. Guest neighbors. Puppy neighbors. Food cart neighbors. Gecko neighbors. Mommy and baby neighbors.

My immediate neighbors are always changing, and I'm learning to embrace this change. Sitting on my balcony this afternoon reading "Praying in Color," I noticed my next door neighbor also reading on her balcony while her family watched TV. We didn't say anything to the other, but it was nice knowing that I had company. After being in the community industry for a while now (Resident Assistant, Ice Cream Server, Hostel Volunteer), it is quite noticeable when there is no community. September has been a pretty slow month for the JT, but things are picking up once again, and I am getting new neighbors, new community. My joy is increasing.

One neighbor in particular has increased my joy tremendously. When she first arrived here, I was overwhelmed by her personality. She comes from a culture I am not familiar with and a story unlike my own. She is a community junkie. Since my neighborhood had been pretty lean on community lately, I really had a slow time adjusting to this push for community. I prayed for my heart to be opened to her and for God's love to be manifested in our time together. Since then, I have heard how she met her husband, what dishes her daughter likes to cook, the compliments her dad gives her, how God healed her of breast cancer, and how she converted to Christianity from Hinduism. She also is "a strong daughter of the living God," as she would say. "Praise God," "my sister," and "my God is alive!" are some of the phrases constantly surrounding this woman. She believes in Jesus Christ and is not afraid to let people know. While on "vacation" here, she has witnessed to a local massage hut owner and connected her with a Thai church. I repeat, she does not live here and is on "vacation." She is a force to be reckoned with, one that makes me ask myself "What the heck kind of faith do I have?!" She leaves tomorrow, and I am genuinely going to miss her smile around my neighborhood.

Thanks be to God for showing himself to us through the differences in others. Thanks be to God for the community he puts around us at any given time, constantly changing, inviting us to join in.


[Y'all. I posted this the first time and as I hit publish, the lady came into the office saying the massage worker she witnessed to accepted Christ. She has been invited to share Jesus at a dinner full of Thai people tonight on our beach. I am going with. WHAT?!??]

10 Thai Words You Should Know and Why

With all of these Thai lessons, I felt the need to share some of the goodness with y'all. Maybe if I know that other people are learning the language, it will motivate me a little more. Ha!


1. Bai! [pronounced: bye] (Go!)

• Essential to scare away stray dogs off your property. Used best when powerfully shouting while clapping your hands in front of you and running wildly at the dog.

2. Suay [pronounced: soo-why] (beautiful)

• Said to me by the Thai staff every time I dress up for church on Sunday. Said casually in passing. I like this culture.

3. Mamwan Suk [pronounced:mom-won sook] (ripe mango...like the kind we have in the USofA but much better)

• the juiciest of fruit that practically dissolves in my mouth, to which I get super excited when it is brought out at lunch and all the staff joke about there not being enough for me and I must go without. never. I am also told by our Indian/Bangla guests that theirs is much better. i'll need to investigate first-hand.

4. Khao Niao [pronounced: cow nee-ow] (sticky rice)

• the perfect partner to the above "mamwan suk" Seriously, I just about cry when they are separate. Can put a smile on my face just about anytime of day.

5. Mai Ow [pronounced: my ow] (I don't want it.)

• To be used almost every time you visit a public beach in a tourist city as Thai vendors approach you every five seconds to by a T-shirt that reads "Starbuks" (yes, misspelled) or American flag pajama pants.

6. Phet [pronounced: pet] (spicy)

• Accompanied most often with the word "mai" (meaning no or not) when spoken by Westerners. It is crucial in ordering food in Thailand, especially being white.

7. Farang [pronounced: fuh-rong, roll the tongue on the R] (white foreigner)

• probably the word I hear most often while in Thailand, especially when travelling in non-tourist villages/cities. Not derogatory.

8. Array Na? [pronounced: uh-rye nah, roll the tongue on the R] (what? or excuse me?)

• I use this phrase the most on a daily basis. I am learning Thai, but Thai speakers still talk way too quickly for me to understand, so I use this little helper and they repeat what they said.

9. Chop Ma [pronounced: chaawp mah] (I like it a lot!)

• The staff usually asks me if I like things 100 times a day: their country, their cooking, their dress, etc. and this is my answer most of the time! unless it's fried wasp larvae, then I reply "mai chop" with a disgusted face meaning "I don't like it!"

10. Sawadee! [pronounced: suh-wah-dee] (Hello!)

• MUST be said we the biggest smile ever and a slight bowing, really a nod, of the head. Girls, go ahead and add a "Kaa [pronounced: kah]" onto the end of this one to make it polite. Boys, tack on a "Khrap [pronounced: crop, with a slight tongue roll on the R]" Girls and boys, go ahead and tack these on to pretty much anything you say in Thai to make it come off super polite.

This lesson was brought on by me waving my hands around in the air, shouting, and loudly running down our driveway to get our neighbor's dog off our property an hour ago. So thank the dog, and you're welcome for the linguistic knowledge you have gained and can impress that special someone with at your next mutual international function.

Sawadee Kaa! (also used for "goodbye")

Stuck on Hospitality

Yesterday I took the car into the city and had a full day of just walking around. I wound through the alleys and the streets and the side streets. I passed the street vendors waiting for customers, women chatting on street steps, foreigners with their huge backpacks and large maps unfolded in their faces, and the rows and rows of motorbikes lining the curbs. I felt home.

The beaches in Hua Hin during September are rather bare. Everyone is tucked away in their own resort pools or cabanas. So, when I tried to sneak into the Hilton to use their pool, I was convicted, mainly by the large stares I received by the employees. Before I even could reach for my sunscreen, I was high tailing it to the public beach, past the security guards and Hilton workers. For the first time, I felt really on the outside of the hospitality "inner circle." The circle seems smaller when you don't have access to it. It seems grander and overflowing with privilege and delight.

Then the funniest thing happened, I got really bitter at the Hilton. I was laying on a large rock in a cove under the side shadows of this large hotel monstrosity and I felt bitterness and disgust rise up in me. It was really strong and I can still taste it in my mouth. I found myself trying to prove why I was better than these people staying in this hotel who were not really tasting true Thai culture. I visited the international supermarket later the day and found disgust again at all the ex-pat families buying lunch meat and Goldfish in bulk. I glared at them, like they were in the wrong. The hilarity of the whole day was that I walked away with bread products, Nutella, jam, and peanut butter. I was hypocrisy in all its false glory.

So last night when I got back to the Juniper Tree I had a long thought about why I felt so disgusted with these people or this corporation that I thought stood for everything but cultural immersion. The anthropologist and the hotelier in me were waging war on each other and I was stuck. I was stuck on hospitality. I was stuck in my love for it. I couldn't think anything bad about it, even though my outrage flared as I laid in the shadows of the very large concrete "man." My failed past of working in a large hotel looming on the front of my brain with my guttural need to create a space for people to feel rest, delight in their surrounding culture, and feel the presence of the Lord courting them in all His intimacy and truth, trying to take its place. Even as I'm typing this, it's hard for me not to get emotional. I am ultimately confronting my pride. It's large and in charge when it comes to this topic. My calling is at stake. God has given me this dream to start a hospitality venue filled with good food (a bakery no doubt), lots of community movie watching, loud praise and worship nights, and truly personal accommodations. How can I do this if I'm judging other industries trying to give people rest, too? How can I hear God if I'm sinking in the sand of my past?

I haven't gotten really far in the thought process, but I have repented for trying to sneak into a space I was not given access to and then disliking those that make the rules. I think I'm most scared of admitting that something in this field is not giving me pleasure. I had a similar feeling when I wrote a paper debunking the "most magical place on Earth" in college. It was like drowning my pet or something.

This is probably really silly to read for most of you. There is just so much of my heart tied up in this encounter: my failure, my pride, my passion, my fear. And it's just sitting in front of me. And God is whispering "Give it to me, darling." So I will.

Tidbits

In the past week I have...

Said goodbye to Frida.

• Ate Banoffee pie.
• Hugs and more hugs.
• Joked about getting a tattoo. It seems like the thing to do when abroad.

Said goodbye to Katina/Curtis.

• "Watched" some movies.
• Be warned that Katina would talk at meals about things you should not talk about at meals. Heard Katina talk about such things.
• Hugs and more hugs.
• Contemplated visiting them and working in their café.

Went to All Nations International Church at the Hilton Hua Hin.

• WHATTTT!!???
• God is so good and this was a full confirmation of why I moved here and why I love the global church.
• Connected with multiple people at the church and am hoping to get connected in outreach ministry.
• Was encouraged to begin programs at the Juniper Tree such as worship night/parent night out/jazzercise class. More to come...

Been sick with a cold/allergies.

• Spent over a day in my room resting/sleeping.
• Got cabin-fever to the extreme.
• Went on a walk down the beach for an hour to relieve cabin fever and ended up playing with an enormous dead jellyfish. It was awesome.
• Drank over 6 liters of water. Mr. Langenbahn's theory on headaches proved to be wrong in this case.
• Almost finished "Love Does" by Bob Goff and highly recommend. If I could write a book, it would be just like this one.
• Had a breakdown and a buildup. God's love for me is amazing and I have begun to realize the isolation of this season to be a beautiful opportunity to become more intimate with God than I ever have been.

I'm pretty sure I had some good belly laughs and some cries this week. Thanks be to God for sustaining and healing me.

Muay Thai, 50 Baht, and Driving in Thailand

So, a lot has happened and, really, life has just happened. But, there are a few stories that I wish to share with y'all.

Story #1: My introduction to muay thai fighting occurred a few days ago from a man by the name of Ning Nong (he made sure we didn't call him Ding Dong). This man has become a friend (? sort've) ever since Frida (friend who stayed at the Juniper Tree for almost three weeks) and I visited his coconut bar. His restaurant is really just his home's patio, but it is so well groomed with thatch-roofed tables, hammocks, hand-shaped bonsai trees and stepping stones over seashells instead of gravel. We rode our bikes about 30 minutes down our rode until we turned on a dirt road and headed to his home. As we drew near to his house, he met us at the entryway and immediately welcomed us in broken English. He brought a fan out to keep the mosquitoes off of us. However, within a minute, we found out he had not retrieved any coconuts that day, the real reason we had ventured to his restaurant. We had already eaten dinner, but despite our refusals, he sliced open some dragon fruit for us to eat. After getting the full tour of his grounds, including his herb garden, his fish pond, and his simple, outdoor kitchen, we told him we would be back when we were hungry and he walked us out to the road.

Four days later, when we didn't have scheduled dinner at the Juniper Tree, we returned to Ning Nong's place for dinner. As we rode our bikes up his dirt road, he could see us coming and ran to the entryway of his patio. Once again we were welcomed with drinks (this time he had coconuts), a simple menu, and a lot of smiles. We ate fresh squid he barbecued on the grill, an American-style salad, fried rice with chicken, and more dragon fruit. During the meal, he and his son sat at our table and began chatting with us about how his wife has left him four years prior and how he had built his entire house by hand. We found out he was a muay thai teacher, and thus began, my training. Before he began teaching me how to kick people, two times he had said I was too full to begin practice by looking at my stomach. After the second time, I assured him my belly was not going anywhere and we could begin now. "You have no six pack! You have no six pack!" The lesson was quick and utterly embarrassing. It wasn't just that there was a major language barrier, there was a cultural barrier that involved "Am I allow to kick this man and let him kick me?!? Should he be putting me in a headlock?!" The whole time I was laughing out loud at the audacity of the whole thing and Frida caught this on tape. After the lesson, he insisted that we stay until the moon was high in the sky because the shells on his ground would shine white bright and it would be beautiful, which it was.

Finally, we began to leave and as we are pulling out, he jumps on the back of Frida's bicycle. I am about 20m ahead and hysterically laughing and trying to see what is going on behind me. When we reach the main road he jumps off and shouts "Bye Bye! Safety First." Frida and I ride alone down the main road back to the Juniper Tree with the moon lighting up the entire way. The sea on our left, the mountains on our right. It was amazing! Then, as we start to near the part of our bay with the commercial resorts, we notice a headlight behind us that is slowing down. Then suddenly, I hear a growl/shout and Ning Nong appears in the darkness behind us creeping up on the back of my bicycle. I almost fell over! He slowly rides with us for awhile before peeling off and returning home. Let's just say I will not be returning for more muay thai lessons by myself!

Story #2: Sunday nights at the Juniper Tree are super chill. The place is practically deserted. No dinner is served, so everyone goes out to eat. Frida and I wanted to eat at our favorite place in our bay, Dao's (that was the name of the old cook and also the only word in English on the sign). As we begin walking down the main road, it starts to trickle, then rain, then pour, and we start running. After about 200m, we realize there is no way we were going to make it to Dao's, so we stop at Chomtalay, a nicer sit-down open-aired restaurant for dinner. [Side note: We passed a really elegant Thai wedding reception that was being rained out. It was so sad because all the guests were huddled in a resort courtyard looking out at what was going to be a beautiful dinner under the stars. Point: Always rent a tent if you are going to have an outdoor dinner in Thailand during rainy season. Point: On our way home, we saw all the servers conveyor-belting food from the beach to the new setting under the resort's covered courtyard. Everyone was wet, cramped, eating, and very happy. Back to my story...] Chomtalay is packed because everyone wants out of the rain. Our server comes maybe 15 minutes after we have been seated to take our drink order. We eventually order, eat, and when it comes time to pay, a different server brings over our check. She then waits for me to get my money out, slip the bills into the folder, and let her get my change. When I slip my one bill into the folder, she opens it and begins to turn to walk away, then stops. She looks at me and says something in Thai that I don't understand, but I reply with something to the effect of "Isn't 500 baht enough?" I wait until she says something in Thai again and I reply again with "500 baht?" She is getting frustrated/embarrassed, so she goes off to find another server that can speak a little more English. While she is gone, I turn to Frida and say "Does she want a tip?!" When the girl returns, her friend opens the folder and shows me the bill I have inserted in it. It is 50 baht. Basically, I gave her less than $2 for both Frida and I's drinks, dessert, and entrees, instead of the $17 I thought I gave. In my defense, the 50 baht bill is blue and the 500 is blue-purple, but still, it was a very embarrassing moment for me. Frida and I, and most of the servers, and even some other patrons were laughing hysterically at my mistake. I apologized profusely to the girl and we left promptly.

See, this is the thing about living in a small, tourist beach town: it's not that big and word travels. Also, there are only so many restaurants to eat at. So, about five days later, Frida and I are returned from Ning Nong's house (the above story) and decide we want dessert. We stop at Chomtalay and the same girl seats us! I hear her whisper to another server in Thai "ha sip baht", which means 50 baht, and I immediately start laughing as I sit down. I tell Frida what she said and then we both laugh. When she comes back to take our order, I apologize again and all the servers start laughing. Needless to say, I have become the "50-baht girl" to some of Dolphin Bay.

Story #3: When I first came over to Dolphin Bay, I had really no idea that we would be as isolated from civilization as we are. It's about 20 minutes to the grocery store and an hour to a mall. While that might not sound super terrible to most of the world who lives even further from civilization or doesn't enjoy civilization, to me, it is far. The roads to get to such places are country roads, with dogs, and children, and potholes filling them. It's the country, so when it gets dark, it gets really dark.

I brought an international driving permit with me, thinking I would never use it. However, to my shock, I have to drive to get anywhere, either by car or motorbike. My first time on a motorbike was terrifying. Going with Frida, queen of adventure, didn't help. But, by the 5th or 6th kilometer, I was getting the hang of it. (I am still terrible at turning and think I'm going to die every time. If you have ever witnessed me ride a bike, you understand.) Driving a car, on the other hand, is easier for me. It didn't take really anytime at all to learn to drive on the opposite side of the road and on the opposite side of the car. Well, I didn't really have time to piddle around when I was thrust in the driver's seat my first week in Thailand. The hardest part of driving on the "highway", a one lane road leading to the big city, is passing other cars/motorbikes/pedestrians/dogs/mobile food carts/anything else that moves and decides the highway is a good place to light. One must pass these things about every kilometer of driving and I just don't have the Thai gumption yet. I do it, cause I have to, but it is definitely not second nature to me.

Frida and I finally drove the hour to the big city and when I went to pull into the parking garage to park at the mall, I was following a motorbike. Not seeing the sign that read "Motorbikes Keep Left", I followed it past the guard gate. A woman was shouting at me in Thai for a while as I sped by the ticket station and Frida was shouting at me "Summer! You just passed right through the ticket station!!" Oops. So, I went all the way around to the exit, made two U-turns on the highway and entered again. Let's just say the Thai lady didn't give me the most "welcome to Thailand, I'm so glad you are here" face.

Filling up for gas is fun too, when you can't speak the language. They fill it up and you just tell them how much you want to pay. Sounds easy enough until some 14-year old starts overfilling your tank and spilling gasoline all over the ground until it makes a puddle and a large hole in my wallet .


All of these stories are fun things that I can look back on and laugh, a lot. They remind me that I am not Thai. I am a foreigner, and I am really thankful to be in such a forgiving environment with such joyful people. Until the next time I make a fool of myself...

My Eat, Pray, Love Moment

Yesterday during my afternoon break I took a rickety, old beach cruiser down the beach about 5 km where our road turns off and heads into civilization. It was the perfect day; sun was beaming. There was not a cloud to be seen. The waves were crashing; the islands were boasting their green growth. I wore a large white sun hat with a ribbon tied around it, had my sunnies on and not a care in the world. Passing shops and shopowners sitting out chatting, I waved to them and smiled. These are the people I will get to know, become a frequent customer to, and maybe even a friend to some.

About halfway down the road, it happened--my Eat, Pray, Love moment. Ok, now, if you know the book/movie Eat, Pray, Love (one of my favorites), you might be thinking, SHE GOT KNOCKED OFF HER BIKE BY A HUNKY BRAZILIAN???? False. However, Julia Roberts has this moment many times in Bali, riding down a small road, smiling and waving to people, and it hit me. I am having that moment of utter bliss, living in paradise, and listening to what God has for me here and for my future. It was a beautiful moment and my heart was so full. It also made me really want to watch that movie.

I pretty sure her character also has crazy bruises from riding her bike/falling and I must empathize with this as well. I really should be more outdoorsy.

Anonymity

On Sundays at the JTDB we take a Sabbath of sorts. The office is only open for a few hours. The women only work a half-day. Dinner isn't served, so we must go outside the resort. It's a great day to travel with guests and get away from everyday life. I was able to take a tourist day with some guests that are ministering to the deaf community in some very hard places around the world. I had so much fun with these guests, eating super touristy food at markets, taking "selfies" all day, and laughing hard at ourselves for being soooo American.

While getting to know them, I discovered that they could not share where they were serving in Asia. They had to keep this a secret given their security level was very high. In addition to learning about deaf missions all over the world, they got me thinking of the many guests at the JTDB that must choose anonymity in many situations. We have people here living in some tough situations. It is really the grace of God that they were even given visas to be there.

I have definitely taken the ease of being in a country like Thailand, let alone America, for granted. In Thailand, it is accepted to be a believer, share the Gospel with whoever you may like, and go to the church of your choice. This doesn't mean that every Thai will be open to the Gospel, by any means. Sometimes it is even harder to preach to a Thai person because they will be so "understanding" of your beliefs. When they do believe, however, they sell out to Jesus, and it is beautiful thing to behold.

So to all those living in places where the name of Jesus cannot be spoken or written out right, I'm praying for you and loving your kin here at the Juniper Tree this week. Thank you for all you are doing for the Kingdom and may our God bless you infinitely on this earth and the next.

Country Living

Living in the country is something I have never done before, outside of a camp setting. The pace of life is definitely slower and everyone tends to know what everyone else is up to. Well, the latter part is also just a part of living in the third world, I believe. Arriving at the Juniper Tree yesterday (woo hoo Praise God!) from spending the night in Bangkok with friends, I was overwhelmed first by the beauty of the Bay Area but also by the resort. It is so clean and everything is white sheets and white tile floor. The staff keep it nearly spotless and every month they spray for bugs, so I have yet to see a cockroach. That really is unbelievable in Thailand! Well, I am getting ahead of myself. Stories from the journey...

Leaving Dallas, after what was a wonderful celebration of a best friend's wedding and time with my family, I was really not nervous or even overly emotional (gasp!). I couldn't tell if I was not allowing myself to feel or God was just genuinely giving me peace for my journey, but either way, the only time I really cried was taking off American soil and touching down on Thai soil. Yes, I cried both times, each symbolizing a great change in my life for this season. Oh to be on Thai soil again! Even walking through the airport after 22 hours of pure flight time, no one could wipe the smile off my face! It was bliss. I got my bags, some Thai baht ($), and got in a cab headed toward a sky train stop where I would meet a good Thai friend I met in 2011. After borrowing Wi-fi from a nearby hotel, I contacted her and she arrived with her family to drive me to her home. They greeted me with such joy and affection! I love the Praise family so much and after spending any amount of time with them, anyone can tell the Lord's anointing covers their household. They cooked me a good Thai meal, and we told stories, laughed, and shared late into the night. The next morning we walked the streets of Bangkok for breakfast (grilled pork kababs, sticky rice, fried plantains, and coffee-flavored milk), sang Hillsong, shared testimonies, prayed, and I helped their family open their clothing store.

Late morning, my car arrived bound for the Juniper Tree with P'Thongpan, our resident driver. He was a great first person to chat with for the four-hour trip down to the beach. When we arrived, I met my coworker Libby, who is taking care of the JTDB while the managers are on holiday. I was immediately introduced to the staff and put straight to learning how the booking works, where the rooms are located, and the schedule of daily activities. There are 27 rooms here at the Juniper Tree, housing a maximum occupancy of 85 people or so. Currently, we are hosting about 65 guests! I was introduced at the evening meal to the entire place and it has been such a joy getting to know guests from Switzerland, China, Australia, Vietnam, Peru, Thailand, and many others. Meals are really the times where I can sit with families and interact with them, hearing about their day's activities and their lives in their home countries. It's been wonderful!

I am writing this from my interim desk in the office, and today my co-worker has left for Bangkok leaving me and another employee in charge for the night! Yikes. Speaking of my co-worker Libby...What a gem! Seriously. She has come from Scotland for a month while the managers are on holiday and has been such a rock star for the guests and the staff and keeping things running smoothly. She has run guests to the hospital, ordered a new transformer to be installed after ours blew, stayed late in the office coordinating guests' stays, and smiled the whole time. She has been a real friend to me in the past few days and I will dearly miss our snarky conversations and inside jokes when she departs in a week. I plan on visiting her in Scotland, for sure!

My apologies for this post being all over the map. I haven't quite got the hang of condensing multiple days' activities into a short blog post, yet. It really does take skill, one that has trailed off since college essays. All I really wanted to say was I am overjoyed to be in this place I can call home for a while. I feel seriously blessed by the people supporting me and praying for me back home and trust God with all my heart that he has me here for his grand purposes. I look forward to his plans unfolding over the next months here.

Prayer Requests This Week:

1. Courage to step out of my comfort zone and get to know guests while they are here, even if only for a short while. It can be easy to retreat into my room and choose loneliness because it is comfortable.

2. Peace for all the staff during the busy season at the Juniper Tree.

And I leave you with some photos of the journey thus far!!

 

Saying goodbye to my family in Dallas! They are such a wonderful, supportive group that I hope get to visit me over here sometime this next year!

Yes, I did have two free seats next to me on the long 14 hour leg!

 



Made it to Korea, obviously.

Seoul, Korea airport

Anna, my friend I stayed with in Bangkok. How beautiful is she!??

The Juniper Tree Dolphin Bay! My home for the next six or so months. This is a view of the six cottages, each with two bedrooms and a living room, and our swimming pool and the epic slide. Took her for a spin today!

 

 Guests on the beach in front of the famous (at least in these parts) Monkey Island (Koh Ling) which is a great day adventure to visit by kayak or boat. Hundreds of monkeys roam the hills of the island, and I hear are quite aggressive.

 

A bonfire for Swiss National Day hosted by some of our guests my first night here. There was celebrating late into the night!

This is P'Jing, my Thai language teacher from Austin! She was on holiday in Bangkok visiting her family and drove down to see me for the day. It was such a collision of worlds, and one I was quite thankful for!

 A fun, retro bus found in the lot of a mechanic in town while running errands.

 

 

With all His peace and strength---



The Best Goodbyes

[Soundtrack to Post: Bon Iver]

Eight days and counting...


So, I have found it really hard to publish a post in the past month due to the extreme amount of events and emotions that have taken place. I have so many thank yous and declarations of love due to the people in my life that I have written at least two posts and deleted them a few days later because they just didn't do my feelings justice. Well, here is a less-than-adequate post about the absolutely awe-inspiring, heart-bursting emotion I am feeling as I drive away from the glorious Austin, TX.

Recently, I have received the warmest wishes and most Spirit-led prayers over my new journey to Thailand, and I haven't even left yet. A huge thank you to my community here in Austin for truly sending me to Thailand in the best possible way, with reminders of God's vision in my heart and prayers that His glory is magnified wherever I end up.

Thursday of last week was the last time I had fellowship with my church group here in Austin. Oh, what a lovely time it was! Tears abounded and laughing ensued directly after the tears. Prayers were sent up from people I have known over a year that have shared so much joy and grief with me and also from people that knew me two weeks, both believing in God's plan for my life. The God of Jacob and the God of Summer and the God of Thailand is a unifying King. He sits enthroned in Heaven, loving and saving, speaking and silencing.

A moment near the end of Thursday night held me speechless (a rarity, I know). A girl who had only been in my presence/knew I existed for two weeks, sought me out and wanted to prophesy over my next chapter of life in Thailand. What a prophecy it was! While she was talked and reading Psalm 29 over me, I felt the peace of God consume my head and my heart. She spoke of the voice of the LORD, and how I will hear it more clearly than ever before and how I will be led to provide peace and strength to those around me. What a high vision! In the midst of this utter peace, my stomach was lurching out of excitement and anticipation. I wanted to run out the door and jump on a plane, then a bus, and hug everyone in The Juniper Tree and tell them "Y'all are awesome and doing magnificent things! Don't give up hope that our God reigns and He is drawing many to himself through your faithful work!" And, in a short time, I will get to do so...well, I might wait a few weeks for the hugs. Ha! Who am I kidding? No, I won't.

This past month has been filled with The Best Goodbyes. Celebrations and care and questions filled with delight and desire have been thrown my way. While I take only a few moments today to ponder them and think of the future, I can honestly say I am SUPER excited. I was telling a good friend last night, the thing I am most looking forward to is the moment in traveling to a new place, when you board the plane and are taking off, utterly suspending from all communication to the outside world, unknown personally to anyone on the flight, and you have nothing to lean on except God and His promises to you. This moment for me usually lasts from walking through airport security to awakening the first morning in a new place. It is terror and excitement. Glee and fright. Hunger and sustenance. And I have been looking forward to it for about 802 days now.

In knowing that this post should be a novel to do my graditude and delight justice, I leave you with a sincere Thank You and a word from my God:

"Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ² then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others." Phil. 2:1-4

May this be true in my upcoming week and and weeks to come. 

God's Timing and the Women That Help Me Long For Heaven

This morning I can't help but share with y'all God's faithfulness to me. A very wise woman told me a couple weeks ago that God has given me everything I need to live a faithful and righteous life. I really can't stop pondering that thought. It has given me hope throughout the days I genuinely want anything else other than to be faithful. Most of the time I want what is fleeting, what can fill, if only for an instant. BUT...

God has changed my heart this week, and it is such a thing of beauty to all that have seen the transformation. God wants to give good gifts to His children, and I am a recipient of such gifts. He has given me joy to soar on wings like eagles, faith to trust Him when I can't see around the next bend, satisfaction in His love for me, and healing in the most needy parts of my heart.

Now, I don't want you to read this and think I have anything together; the exact opposite in fact. BUT, Jesus has pulled all the needy and unattractive parts of my soul and body together and made something long-suffering, hopeful, and willing to serve. Y'ALL. This is beyond human understanding of being "good" or "happy." This is genuine joy and love from the Father, and it is so sweet.

Some staples of my healing process have been the relationships with the INCREDIBLE women God has placed in my life while living in Austin. It is amazing that I didn't know these women 14 months ago, like at all! BUT, oh how sweet they are to me now. They have sharpened me, waded with me through my mucky soul, and bear hugged me when I need someone to rejoice with. They are those that are sending me to Thailand jumping up and down and screaming my name. They are those that if I could will all the blessings in the world on them in one moment, I would. To you who have called me sister and friend, prayed for me amidst my desire for spiritual milk when you knew I needed bread, thank you. May our God greet you this day with the affection only given at a cost and may you receive it running with no time to look back.

God is beautiful and worthy of all our praise; not because we owe him, but because he invites us to and we have the ability.

 Job 1: 20b-22
 Then he fell to the ground in worship ²¹ and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
    and naked I will depart.^[c]
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
    may the name of the Lord be praised.” 

 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

Local Habits

Living in Austin, one gets really good at sitting in traffic. I must admit I have gotten so good at sitting in traffic that I have watched an entire TV episode on my phone hovering just behind my steering wheel. While staring out our big windows at Lick today I noticed a man sitting in traffic playing his steering wheel like a drum. I mean, he was really jammin out! I wanted to know what song was playing because I loved the moment he was in. I have those moments often, sitting in my car in traffic. When a song comes on that I just can't help but belt out and slam my hands on top of the wheel repeatedly to the beat. I love those moments (a true silver lining of living and working 20 miles apart).

I have had moments like these, determined by the place I live in. In Thailand, the last time I was there, I came to love my 20 minute walk to work. It was sometimes the highlight of my morning. I would pass the same car mechanics, the same shaggy, mangy dog that I called Benji and would have full English conversations with as we walked together, the same old woman watering her garden, squeal at the same cute street puppies that I ended up taking into my own home, the same Chinese Buddhist temple that always seemed to be under construction, the same tiny bakery operated by a woman and her mom outside their home, the same private school yard, and the same moto drivers waiting for customers. I told time by these people (if the kids were already singing the national anthem, I was late to class!) They would all smile at me, even Benji. There was beauty in the routine and awe in the hiccups in it, like this one time I almost stepped on a tiny green snake that I found out later was extremely poisonous.

There is something about being in transit and having the ability to turn off part of your brain and just observe that I find so relaxing and reflective of the care of my Savior. Even in traffic or the quiet neighborhood streets of a foreign metropolis, God is moving and working and giving things breath.

I am curious to see what routines I will fall in love with in Thailand this time around. I can't wait!

Yes. A million times, yes.

Soundtrack: "Let There Be" -Gungor

A friend recommended that I read Radical by Davis Platt. So, yesterday I picked it up and already, just one chapter in, I MUST tell of what I am convicted of and purposely choosing other than.

The first chapter entitled "Someone Worth Losing Everything For," is essentially asking, "Is Jesus worth losing everything for?" Duh. At first, I immediately think, yes, because I know it would be foolish to say no. I would have HUGE problems on my hands if I said "no." But as the chapter proceeds, I realize Jesus asked me in Matthew to give up everything, pick up my cross (y'all this is a torture/death tool), and follow him, with singleness of heart for the joy that one day I will be like/with him. Oh gosh. The reality of this is making me think my "yes" had less conviction behind it than was due. Jesus' command means I have to give up my desire to find a husband, spending a lot of my money on entertainment, and my assumption that I will have all the comforts of an American retirement. I can't follow Jesus with singleness of heart with things looming in my life such as these, that destroy my trust in Jesus, as my Provider, my Everything. Alright, so after some tears, a lot of journaling, and some confession, I came to the realization that I, indeed, am wishing a lot of the time that the path He has called me on was "other." And, now, I have come to an entirely different "yes." Jesus IS worth losing everything and here's why...

In Matthew 13, Jesus is talking to his disciples about the kingdom of Heaven, and he describes it like a man finding a treasure in a field, burying it again, and then selling all he has to buy that field. Platt did a great job of connecting me to that parable. If I had found a hidden treasure that I thought no one else has come across and it could be mine, I would run, as fast as I could to the nearest pawn shop to sell every stinkin item I owned, because I obviously knew that this treasure of great value would be more than enough for me. So, I think why I have trouble answering with a hearty "yes" to the question of "Is Jesus worth losing everything?" comes down to the fact that I forget or don't understand the depth of His value and His promises to me both now and forevermore. I also don't understand that if any action in this life has any intrinsic value other than to make me become more like Jesus, that action is MORE than worth doing. This is why I attend small group and church and meet with people over dinner that can remind me of Jesus' worth to my life, why I should run this race hard, with perseverance, and why I can't waste my life with a shut mouth and a half-believing heart.

Both at church and small group this week our time revolved around this idea of making Jesus your treasure and submitting yourself to an earthly authority because Jesus did, and we want to be more like him everyday. Having a singleness of purpose, defying the innate human reaction to put oneself first and gratifying all that will provide comfort, stabiliy, and prosperity to my life, is NOT easy. It is literally taking every ounce of my entire being to say NO to my wishing right now. But I am actively saying (out loud to myself and Jesus..in my room...right now) that I choose YOU. I choose to lose everyhting that I could ever hold dear because YOU ARE WORTH LOSING EVERYTHING.

Wait...what did I just agree to? Oh my goodness. It's so much. Lord, help my unbelief, 'cause it's gonna come...probably tomorrow when I wake up and check Facebook and wish that my life was "other." Probably when I go to work and have to serve people. Probably at the invitation to eat out just one more time. Probably...well, Jesus. You know. It's coming and yet, again, I will take up that cross and die to myself.

So, yes. A million times yes.

And here's onto chapter 2...oh dear.

Dream

For the past seven weeks, I have had the privilege of meeting with about 100 other women of all ages to rush the throne room of God and ask "What do YOU want to do with our lives?" We are taking a week at a time to talk through our people, our scars, our gifts, our passions, our places, and how each of these things fits into God's larger story of saving the world from itself and from Darkness. What a blessing these seven weeks have been! I am so thankful for my small group that has prided honesty over keeping up appearances and chiseled away my fears from God's Truth. I just finished the homework for my last class tomorrow, and I realized some great things I am taking away from "Dream", most of which were not what I thought would come of this class.

First, I was blown away by God's timing in the events of my life coupled with the start date of the class. I had signed up for the class before I had committed to returning to Thailand, before I had even had the request to return. Originally, I had signed up because my frustration with God's purpose for my life was rising higher in my soul each day and I was restless with my position in the world. (<Sidenote: My purpose and your purpose if you are in Christ is to love God and love others. How one does that and how one makes disciples is the unique journey of "Dream.">) When God blessed me with this Thai breakthrough and this new trajectory in life was placed before me, the reasons I had signed up for the class were no longer relevant. So, I came into that first Tuesday night with pretty much zero expectations except that God was going to move!

Second, I have always loved meeting with women of other ages. To see how the Holy Spirit has staked out along the road of each woman's life is remarkable. I have never been too prideful to take advice or to seek wisdom from other women because gosh! I certainly have never had it together enough to run well in this life on my own (although, I have convinced myself otherwise at many points).  So, my first night sitting in between a 40-year-old longing to meet the spiritual needs of her secular social groups in Austin and a 20-year-old International Studies major looking to change the face of poverty in the lives of orphans in India, was Cloud Nine epitomized. God is moving and is asking us to run well with Him!

Third, Jennie Allen is a gift. If you've never heard of her: go here. Not to put her up on a Christian pedestal at all, because she, like the rest of us, is juggling a lot and is on most days just a bit over the edge of crazy! I say to get to know her work because she preaches truth and has displayed how someone's gifts, passions, scars, people, and places have encountered the humbling larger story of God in such a real way to give hope to other women wanting to run well in this world. She is a gift.

Fourth, this larger story of God that I have been speaking of is straight up CRAZY! "Dream" has been looking at just one man in the Bible, Joseph. We have read and studied his gifts, his scars, his people, his passions, and his places in detail and WHAT A STORY of faith, growth, and obedience. God's purpose to SAVE MANY LIVES was accomplished in a man who began as a snotty little brother. As a part of the class, we drew a timeline of the events of the world as told by the Bible, and when we placed our approximate 70-80 year lives (give or take some years) on that timeline, we could barely see them. To literally be launched backwards, into space it felt like, to look at my place in the world was necessary. It made me realize who cares where I live or who hurt me or what is left of my body at the end of it all, because I am here for a mere breath and to run this race well is all that matters. Returning slightly closer to Earth, I completely realize the importance of using my gifts and surrounding myself with the right people and living into the gifts and scars I am given as not to waste this time, but the point of the timeline served its purpose to say "STOP WALLOWING IN DISPLEASURE AND WORK OUT THE GOOD WHERE YOU ARE NOW!" The harvest is plenty and the workers are few.

Lastly, as I look to Thailand and to my future set before me, I have been asked to dream. Given all of my gifts, all of my passions, all of my scars, all of my people, and all of my places, I am seeing that God has been ready to launch me for a while and now I am ready to run. Today is not a monumental, life-changing moment. Today is just reminding myself of Truth, that God wants to display His glory over all the Earth and He wants me to do this while loving people above myself. No big! Just kidding. BIG! The last question of my last homework for "Dream" asked me to describe how I could use all that I have have been given to display His glory and prosper people. This was my answer:

Open a space for people to relax, laugh, think, create, watch movies, cry, eat corporately, build relationships, study the Word and do life WELL in community.

For those of you that know me, respond to my dream. Encourage me and chisel away the fear of man. Share your dream and let me do the same for you.

Deets

More details!!

So, if you received a letter or have heard that I will be leaving in June...scratch that! The new date is JULY 30! I will be hanging out with some of my Bangkok friends for a few days and hope to catch my best friend from college Katie before heading down the coast to Dolphin Bay. I am scheduled to return to the States FEBRUARY 4...but given the exploratory nature of this trip and my season in life, that will most likely change.

I also found out that I will be doing much more office work than I had anticipated such as scheduling meals, reservations, small accounting tasks, etc.

Thanks for keeping up!

Second Time Around

Greetings!

For those of you that followed me last time I traveled to Thailand and for those of you that are just joining my obsession with this country, I am excited to write to you and say that I AM GOING BACK. In June, I will hopping on a few planes and stepping foot on Thai soil once more (and hopefully, many more times to come). I will be spending a week fellowshipping with my church in Bangkok, friends at the Well, friends from the bars, and others that impacted my life while I lived there two years ago. I LITERALLY COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED. There has been much jumping and squealing, as many of you can imagine me doing in your heads and you are currently laughing out loud.

Here is my official support letter:

Howdy Y’all!

Brimming with joy and smiling from ear to ear, I write to YOU to shout from deep in the heart of Texas that, “I AM MOVING TO THAILAND!” On June 19^th, I will be boarding a plane to travel back to the Land of Smiles, a country so intertwined with my heart and soul that words do not do it justice.

For six months I will be helping to run The Juniper Tree Dolphin Bay, a guesthouse for missionaries to Asia that need R&R, but do not have enough vacation time to travel to their home countries. Dolphin Bay is located 3 ½ hours south of Bangkok down the coast by car and approximately 40 minutes south of Hua Hin, a tourist destination in Thailand.

My contribution to the Juniper Tree will involve anything and everything they need me to do such as marketing, giving tours of the local beaches/attractions, helping with worship services, various office work, etc. I believe wholeheartedly that God has called me to this place to learn more about Thailand and His work being accomplished in the continent of Asia as well as my place in advancing His Kingdom with my gifts. For the past year He has been training me in hospitality, patience, and joy by serving people in the food industry here in Austin, Texas.

You mean so much to me, and I want you to partner with me in this adventure and life-long dream! I ask that if you are led to pray for me before I leave and while I am there, PLEASE DO! Beg for His provision and favor with the people I encounter and that my joy and heart to serve them would be accepted as a ministry of Christ! Pray also that my future in Thailand will be revealed to me in His timing and my trust in Him will be strengthened evermore. Please feel free to call, Facebook, e-mail, send a carrier pigeon, sail to Dolphin Bay, or follow my blog to keep in touch with me as I share joys, struggles, and pictures of my time there! Lastly, those that are in Christ are called to give boldly with a full measure of confidence that the Lord is the provider of all things. I ask that you consider contributing financially to this endeavor. The total cost of my six-month commitment is $7000, and any money raised above that amount will be contributed to the ministry of The Juniper Tree. All contributions are tax-deductible, and a receipt will be mailed to you for your records. I couldn’t do this without the support of family and friends like YOU! Here’s to faith, fulfilling the Great Commission, and life dreams! ---------

If you did not receive this letter and would like one, please comment below! Also, if you feel led to give to my trip to Thailand, you may write a check to : The Thai Christian Foundation, and mail to:

6116 N. Central Expressway, Ste 518
Dallas, Texas  75206

with a separate piece of paper indicating the funds are to go towards Summer Holeman's work with The Juniper Tree.

Check out The Juniper Tree Dolphin Bay!!!!

With anticipation and joy - - - - -