Yes. A million times, yes.

Soundtrack: "Let There Be" -Gungor

A friend recommended that I read Radical by Davis Platt. So, yesterday I picked it up and already, just one chapter in, I MUST tell of what I am convicted of and purposely choosing other than.

The first chapter entitled "Someone Worth Losing Everything For," is essentially asking, "Is Jesus worth losing everything for?" Duh. At first, I immediately think, yes, because I know it would be foolish to say no. I would have HUGE problems on my hands if I said "no." But as the chapter proceeds, I realize Jesus asked me in Matthew to give up everything, pick up my cross (y'all this is a torture/death tool), and follow him, with singleness of heart for the joy that one day I will be like/with him. Oh gosh. The reality of this is making me think my "yes" had less conviction behind it than was due. Jesus' command means I have to give up my desire to find a husband, spending a lot of my money on entertainment, and my assumption that I will have all the comforts of an American retirement. I can't follow Jesus with singleness of heart with things looming in my life such as these, that destroy my trust in Jesus, as my Provider, my Everything. Alright, so after some tears, a lot of journaling, and some confession, I came to the realization that I, indeed, am wishing a lot of the time that the path He has called me on was "other." And, now, I have come to an entirely different "yes." Jesus IS worth losing everything and here's why...

In Matthew 13, Jesus is talking to his disciples about the kingdom of Heaven, and he describes it like a man finding a treasure in a field, burying it again, and then selling all he has to buy that field. Platt did a great job of connecting me to that parable. If I had found a hidden treasure that I thought no one else has come across and it could be mine, I would run, as fast as I could to the nearest pawn shop to sell every stinkin item I owned, because I obviously knew that this treasure of great value would be more than enough for me. So, I think why I have trouble answering with a hearty "yes" to the question of "Is Jesus worth losing everything?" comes down to the fact that I forget or don't understand the depth of His value and His promises to me both now and forevermore. I also don't understand that if any action in this life has any intrinsic value other than to make me become more like Jesus, that action is MORE than worth doing. This is why I attend small group and church and meet with people over dinner that can remind me of Jesus' worth to my life, why I should run this race hard, with perseverance, and why I can't waste my life with a shut mouth and a half-believing heart.

Both at church and small group this week our time revolved around this idea of making Jesus your treasure and submitting yourself to an earthly authority because Jesus did, and we want to be more like him everyday. Having a singleness of purpose, defying the innate human reaction to put oneself first and gratifying all that will provide comfort, stabiliy, and prosperity to my life, is NOT easy. It is literally taking every ounce of my entire being to say NO to my wishing right now. But I am actively saying (out loud to myself and Jesus..in my room...right now) that I choose YOU. I choose to lose everyhting that I could ever hold dear because YOU ARE WORTH LOSING EVERYTHING.

Wait...what did I just agree to? Oh my goodness. It's so much. Lord, help my unbelief, 'cause it's gonna come...probably tomorrow when I wake up and check Facebook and wish that my life was "other." Probably when I go to work and have to serve people. Probably at the invitation to eat out just one more time. Probably...well, Jesus. You know. It's coming and yet, again, I will take up that cross and die to myself.

So, yes. A million times yes.

And here's onto chapter 2...oh dear.